just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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