My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
