I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
