You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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