Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You just made me feel so damn special
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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