Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
