bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
