put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
