as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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