it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
