also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
