Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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