Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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