and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
