Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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