WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
