remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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