Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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