wakey wakey hands off snakey
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize