Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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