did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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