Moan for me like Helen Keller
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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