I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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