You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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