so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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