non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I cut my penus on the lid.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize