Small penises have feelings too.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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