I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
