you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
