i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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