I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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