I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
