uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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