They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
