plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize