Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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