You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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