at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
