Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
