Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
