I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize