Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
