hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
