And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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