Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
