can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
