he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
