If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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