Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
