I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
