I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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