im holly from the hills drunk
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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