i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
