guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you had me at cake vodka
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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