There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
