he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she told me i tasted like america
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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