You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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