I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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