Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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