I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
