Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
