Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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