is your mom at the bar?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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