just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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