i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
