fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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