Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
