I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
