He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
