she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
