Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize