we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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