Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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