so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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