just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
