Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize