Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
pray to the hookup gods
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
