It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
