Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
