my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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