You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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