Can i not drive my cunt home
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
