Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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