I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
