You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
