I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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