my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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