i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can text with my tongue
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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