Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
