bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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