you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
