Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize