i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
