I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Randomize
