his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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