trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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