I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
