i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
