It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
