I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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