It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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