Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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