they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
