So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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