dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my being single is dangerous.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
